Saturday, February 11, 2012

Fog

Sometimes, I think I was so indifferent my whole life that it somehow took the best of me. I mean, yeah, I’ve been expressive often bordering to too much emotion and sensitivity in my writings (you can see it in my book reflections, I guess), but it was completely opposite in real life.

I was too flat to function – and that was a fact.

I guess I might have been too used to faking it that I ended up feeling that it was the most natural thing for me to do. My reactions were almost too made up that sometimes, I felt that the way I react to people was already laid down in absolute detail and all I needed to do was refer to it and I’d absolutely know what to do. Those moments where you feel that like life is scripted and you just have to act all according to what was written – that sort of feeling.

 Sometimes, I have these things in my head, but I would react otherwise. This was too twisted for me, that all I could do was write it down somewhere and vent out my true feelings between pen and paper. I am used to ignoring things like that. Too indifferent have I been this past few years, that sometimes, I wonder if I could let it go just once. Well, there were times where I am caught off guard, and I tend to do what my mind really tells me to do, and at those moments, I found myself regretting what I said or do once the words flowed out of my mouth like vomit or I subconsciously let my body act according to its will. Sometimes, I am incapable of instantaneous reaction because I was being to precocious with myself. I don’t even know why I became like this when in fact I don’t want to be like this in the first place.

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