I am currently slumped in front of my laptop for hours now since yesterday. I barely slept (just a rough 2 hours), and then get back to what I’m doing. And since my hands and my brains are already pretty whacked out typing my wits away to finish these bloody reports, I figured I should take a break by posting a quick entry on this page. Besides, I think it was ages since I last posted a personal post, but I’m not exactly sure how personal this is. XD
Let me just say that I am seriously stressed out for the past few weeks. Ugh, less than a month to go and this semester would be over. Though that itself is expected to be a relief, end of same requirements are really killing me. Gosh, I look like a zombie now with how pale I am and my EYEBAGS! – don’t even get me started on that. :| I’ve been up late in the nights for quite a while now. Finishing bloody reports, studies, and cases. My face has more than its fair share of pimple by now, and I hate that most of all. Looking this way really is crushing even my confidence. I was just glad that my BB cream somehow covers most of it, but not quite.
What’s worse is I can’t seem to concentrate enough these past few days – especially now! (Yeah, just great.) I can’t even concentrate reading a bloody chapter of my AUDI book and end up always doodling in my notebook, worse my book –and that would go on for hours, until I realized I’ve wasted almost my entire day with drifting in and out of useless things. I ended up staying so late till dawn just to force myself concentrate and at least understand a bit of my lectures. And when I came to class, all I do is feel sleepy it’s not even funny. I can’t keep up with my classmates that way, and it's really hurting my self-esteem pretty bad.
I’ve been pretty worked up, drained, and stressed lately, it’s a wonder I’m not feeling sick. Days like this, I honestly fear for myself. XD I tend to be emotionally unstable when driven by so much pressure. One evidence I think is that I’ve used up more pages in my diary this past week than what I wrote last month. Maybe I just have many feelings, and I can’t just vent out my frustrations and insecurities with just anybody, and whatever little self-motivation I’ve been throwing for myself were all just bottled up.
I know this has been a very negative post, and sorry to whoever is disgusted with this one if it happens that you’re looking for some breathing space in the blogosphere and ended up stumbling in this pessimist of a post – but I just have to vent it all out. I knew better than flooding my Facebook timeline with useless and pointless self pity when some people resent them. The last thing I need is people talking behind my back. At least I know that in here no one would bad mouth me, because I know that this space is for me – JUST MINE.
Anyways, the only upside of my week so far is MY LOVE CHEHON AND ELIANA WINNING SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE SEASON 9. #TEAM BALLET prevailed, and I am more than thrilled. I’ll just distract myself from the uneventful dullness that is my life with their success.
Okay. Need to go and face the pressures again. I hope thing will work out fine – soon.