But hey, I figured I really really need this... so no matter how incomprehensible it may seem here it is. :)
First off, I just want to say that I'm so relieved and glad that it's all over. (I've undergone an almost-four months of review, plus recently took the board, if you don't know) It's been a tough first month, and another even tougher 3 months -- I am just so thankful that I still came out alive and kicking at the end of the race.
Too many things happened. I experienced the most pressuring time of my life. And one person so dear to my heart (my only MAMA) passed away. That moment was the sole lowest point of my life. And looking back, I am just so amazed at how much will power I was able to summon in order to just decide to keep going and take that first step of restoring my drive, even without that one person that supported me all my life.
I thought they were just bluffing or exaggerating things when they say that the review was one hell of a process. But having experienced everything there is, I guess they're right. I might even say that they sugar-coated these things to make it seem less...horrible.
Many times have I crumbled. Sobbing uncontrollably just because someone knocked over the tumbler that my mother gave me (it broke, you see). Tearing up at the slightest problems I can't easily answer while reviewing. And thinking hopelessly negative whenever things don't turn out as planned.
But through out these times, I learned that you just have to control what you think. And by controlling what you think, you control what you feel. Being hurt, maybe, we could never control them at times. But being affected -- it is always a choice.
Throughout those three months, I operated under the philosophy that I CAN DO IT. That there's a greater reason behind everything. And that there's no sense moping around and being an emotional mess that everyone expects me to be at that point. I needed to act and get going because whether I like it or not, things are moving on -- life IS moving on - FAST. And I needed to catch up.
It has been so hard. Physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. Sometimes, there are more bad than than good times. But I prefer to always highlight the good in order to function as planned.
I'm just really, really thankful that I have friends who encourage me, text me randomly in the middle of the night just to say that I can definitely do it and that they have faith in me. Friends that I can share my feelings with no matter how corny, or insignificant they may be. Friends that accompany me in my random fangirling moments to reduce all those stress we've been having.
Also, a family that supports and understands that I needed to prioritize things over the other. That have the patience not to demand my presence even when I've been absent for weeks or months in our house. And a family that don't know how I really appreciate the random calls they've been making about the most trivial things that's been going on in their lives.
And for having a God -- that is always there with me in times of need and in times of comfort. A God that hears my prayers, hears my cries no matter how subdued they may be. A God that makes me feel that everyday's another day to hope for the best and watch out for all the exciting things He has in store for me.
And would I ever forget, my online friends, especially my Blogger friends who stayed with me until I got back. Sorry for the lack of updates. You always deserve a space in here, you know that.
Everyone, I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK! :3
The past months have been the hardest times of my life. But I know that at the end of the day, when I look back, I know that those same moments are the moments where I would stand proud, and say that "I get past that."
The result of the exam has been delayed for some reason, but I know that whatever it may be.... this whole experience is still worth it. :)
Seize the day! :)(Image via Tumblr)
Watch out for some surprise!
I am thinking of cooking up a simple giveaway for my readers to give back. :))
In the coming days.... :3