Maybe it's the detachment to something you've grown so used to. Maybe it's looking back and realizing how many times you've screwed up when you shouldn't have, as if seeing reason for the first time. Or maybe, it's the fact that a year has just passed and you don't know if you made it worth it or you just let it pass by, wasted.
It's all these negative things creeping in your mind, shadowing the good old times. And perhaps, they're stronger than ever today.
The thing is... so many things have happened. And I'm not exaggerating if I say that I have one hell of a roller coaster ride this year, even going so far as say that I've had a few more turns more than others.
Graduating. Passing the board. Getting a job. But then... losing someone so precious forever. And drastically changing the way I live my life.
This has been the worst, and yet the best year of my life. And I know I'm supposed to understand why it's all been too confusing at times, but there are moments when I don't - and somehow, that takes all the fun in a perfectly good day.
But I now I truly understood that "life is not a wish-granting factory" and that things don't always come easy. And that this is one of those moments when you just simply realize that, no it doesn't always have to be perfect. Because learning to live with all these struggles is one way of making your life a little more closer to perfect than before.
I don't exactly feel old, just not young enough to dwell on the things that I enjoy before. This all feels a little new. There ups and downs... but I'm definitely loving this new life. And it scares me, and thrills me all at the same time.
I am seriously having the urge to post Taylor Swift's 22. But no. Just no.