Thursday, February 20, 2014

"I'm a complete disaster."

"I already told you," Reagan said, "he's not my boyfriend."
"It's not just that." Cath turned her face toward the wall of windows, then back at Reagan, earnestly. "It was one thing when I had a crush on him and he was totally unattainable. But I don't think I could actually be with someone like Levi. It would be like inter species dating."
Reagan let her spoon drop sloppily into her cereal. "What's wrong with Levi?"
"Nothing," Cath said. "He's just...not like me."
"You mean, smart?"
"Levi's really smart," Cath said defensively.
"I know," Reagan said, just as defensively.
"He's different," Cath said. "He's older. He smokes. And he drinks. And he's probably had sex. I mean, he looks like he has."
Reagan raised her eyebrows like Cath was talking crazy. And Cath thought -- not for the first time, but for the first time since last night -- that Levi had probably had sex with Reagan.
"And he likes to be outside," Cath said, just to change the subject. "And likes animals. We don't have anything in common."
"You're making him sound like he's some rowdy mountain man who, like, smokes cigars and has sex with prostitutes."
Cath laughed, despite herself. "Like a dangerous French fur trapper."
"He's just a guy," Reagan said. "Of course he's different from you. You're never going to find a guy who's exactly like you -- first of all, because that guy never leaves his dorm room..."
"Guys like Levi don't date girls like me."
"Again -- the girl kind?"
Guys like Levi date girls like you."
"And what does that mean?" Reagan asked, tilting her head.
"Normal," Cath said. "Pretty."
reagan rolled her eyes.
"No," Cath said, "seriously. Look at you. You've got your shit together, you're not scared of anything. I'm scared of everything. And I'm crazy. Like maybe you think I'm a little crazy, but I only ever let people see the tip of my crazy iceberg. Underneath this veneer of slightly crazy and socially inept, I'm a complete disaster."
Reagan rolled her eyes again. Cath made a mental note to stop rolling her eyes at people.
"What would we do together?" Cath asked. "He'd want to go to the bar, and I'd want to stay at home and write fanfiction."
"I'm not going to talk you into this," Reagan said, "especially if you're going to be stupid. But I will say this: You're being stupid. He really likes you. He even like your creepy fanfiction, he won't stop talking about it. Levi's just a guy. A really, really good -- maybe even the best -- guy, and nobody's saying you have to marry him. So stop making everything so hard, Cath. You kissed him, right? The only question is, do you want to kiss him again?"
~ Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell 

This excerpt right there made me realize how fucked up my perspective in life is. God knows how much I can relate to Cath right now. >.<

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