There were moments when I really want to be noticed and be appreciated. Those moments that convince me that I love being in the spotlight more than I want to admit. But there were also moments when I just try desperately to disappear, to be invisible. Even the tiny bit of attention suffocates me. That if it’s possible to just disappear right then and there at that chair, I would. I kept digging my fingers but then nothing happens.
There’s a side of me that tries so hard to experience the world, that wants to live even a little. But there’s also this side that somehow got tired of all the trying, that she just settled to curl up in her own little make-believe.
It was almost like there are two me. And sometimes they merge into something beautiful…and I swear, at that moment, I almost feel like a normal person. I wish for those moments to last — but they don’t.