Wednesday, September 24, 2014

After Dark

I hate this. This track-stopping, hard-to-describe feeling. I hate feeling happy only to be slapped in the face by the reality that I’ve been trying so hard to run away from. It’s as if whenever I’m walking, it shows: like a mark, a stain. People look at me and they see that. Why does pain always have to be so apparent? Maybe it’s not, but it feels like it is. At this moment, it is. All the hurt, the disappointments, the imperfections in my life – all screaming and struggling to go out. I am exploding in on myself again, and there’s no one but me who can hear the pieces falling to the floor, no one but me to pick the splinters as it curse through my veins and pierce through flesh and bones. There’s this hollow thud to where my heart used to be. I used to be too eager to feel, too eager to experience things. I should’ve known that when I asked for everything, it comes with EVERY THING.

The silent screams are deafening. Does it always have to be this way?

Monday, September 22, 2014

Note to Self: You don't really need to always try so hard.

Don't turn in on yourself. It's one of the most significant ingredients to self-destruction.

Focus on the good. Ignore the bad.

Stop the habit of comparing yourself to others. Stop trying to always live up to other's expectations, and stop setting too high of an expectation for yourself. 

You don't need to always test how much you can take before you break. Because, as hard as it may seem to swallow, you don't really need to always try so hard.

via Pinterest

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Wake me up when September ends!

Well, not really. Haha. I'm too busy to sleep like that.

Anyways, HELLO FROM THE DURIAN CAPTIAL OF THE PHILIPPINES! I'm currently staying at Davao for an engagement. This is my first (relatively) long term out-of-town trip so I'm pretty psyched!

It's already been two weeks since me and my team mates arrived here, actually. I am honestly looking for a decent picture to include in this post to at least give y'guys a good glimpse of living here... but I can't find anything usable. Lol. It's not the city per se, but it's just me not exploring the beauty that is Davao enough yet (I insist on the "yet", because I believe that there is still hope. Lol.). We've been to different restaurants and cafes here and there -- and believe me, the food here is to die for! But I'll leave that to another post. Hehe. Honestly though, I find the idea of living here for good too enticing because of how at home I am feeling right now, it's scary -- maybe a major part of this is because I am enjoying eating and restaurant hopping more than ever. There's so much goodness yet to be discovered, but sadly, there's too little time.

Well, THE work is the official business of this trip so we really need to set our priorities straight if we want this thing to go smoothly. It's 5:00 am and I am still wide awake... but my brain is too distracted to function and concentrate on what I really should be doing right now (which is to work) -- so I figured that maybe, just maybe, I just need some serious venting out so here I am, writing my thoughts into the void, unsure whether someone or if no one at all might read this. (Long sentences are long.)

I've been researching for perfect spots to explore while I'm here (and, hopefully, if I'll be able to squeeze it in) and I've already found plenty. Woooh. Push for PRODUCTIVITY and EFFICIENCY! I hope I can work on this because I really, really, really want to enjoy this trip as much as I can. Rare opportunities like this pass by, and I have to make the most out of every single one of them. What is life and what is work if it's not meant to be enjoyed, right?

I've been thinking of starting a series called #TravelDiaries to at least document the travels I've been having so far (albeit few). My Baguio trip (from way, way back April) is yet to be documented. Plus this. And all the travels I'll be making because of work (hopefully? Yay!) in the future. We're scheduled for Cebu in the coming days.... and boy am I really excited, too. But first things first: we need to finish our scheduled work. #Pressure Lol.

But really, I am just really glad that I am starting to explore things and see things in a different way. Trying out new things and meeting new people ain't as nerve wracking and scary as it is in the past. I don't know if it's the right way to put it, but I am "maturing"? I can feel something in me changing and I'm not really sure if it's a good thing but all I can say is I am having a blast! So all's well, I guess. I have no regrets choosing this field, especially now that I can feel that this is really helping me personally take down some of my demons -- demons that I have been holding too close to myself all these years, dragging me down. May this go on for a long, loooooong while!

Anyways, I've already tried eating Durian for the first time, thanks for asking. (And Durian Coffee to boot!) :)

Okay! Back to work! Ciao! :*


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