Well, sadly, August started a bit rough for me.
Life at work has been pretty tough for some reason these past few days.
It's not really the amount of work that bothers me, but how I respond to it.
I'm not normally like this, as I am a self-confessed pressure sucker.
Maybe it's the added responsibility, or just the thought that I have to prove myself every freakin' time.
It's like there's this implicit rule to always keep appearances... and more often than not, I hate that about the corporate world,
Sometimes, it's pretty exhausting to keep up with that kind of environment -- that I find myself retreating once again in this little shell of mine.
And that kind of thing -- that kind of feeling -- won't ever be easy to explain.
I don't know if I'll be in trouble for posting this, but I need to vent out.
Obviously, Facebook is not an option as there are people lurking in there, waiting for something they'll find 'juicy' to talk about (I can just imagine), or, better yet, poke fun at.
And I'm not really in the mood to be judged right now.
There're days when I am trying to figure out if I am going the right way.
There are even days when I just don't want to get out of bed -- devoid of any motivation to just downright exist. (Don't worry, no suicidal thoughts involved.)
Maybe I am undergoing some sort of 'quarter life crisis' right now, if that's what you call it.I have these long talks with my father that can always be summed up with "I don't know wtf I am doing with my life right now."
And it's pretty frustrating, reaching this age and all.
That just when you thought things are going to get clearer, you find both your feet stuck deeper into that mud you're in.
I badly need change in my life right now.
May it be my environment.
Or, say, just my mindset.
The next few months are going to be crucial.
And who knows, maybe I'll come out a better person from all of this (or a depressing chump who knows nothing but complain, oh well).
Big things are about to happen.
And big decisions are about to be made.
I can feel it.
But in the meantime, self, hold on. And try to get by.
Your questions will be answered in due time.
I am writing this at roughly 4 minutes after 7:00 AM on a Monday. It's a working day and I haven't slept a wink and I am wondering if this is really how I want to live my life.