Sometimes, the existence of something unusual (like today) magnifies everything around us, intensifies everything in it -- every happening, every thought, every emotion... and just like that, you're a mess.
And right now, everything is making me melancholic as crazy. Everything:
...like how I am listening to Adele's 25 right not (specifically "When We Were Young" and "All I Ask") which are pretty sad and nostalgic, but comforting all the same.
...like how I started my day hating the world and everything I am going through at the moment to the point where I took the first half of the day off because I just don't really feel like functioning at the moment.
...like how I was given an extra day today (after four freakin' years) and I spent half of it lying in bed like a useless log and the other half shamelessly faking it.
...like how I realized how so much has passed and so much has happened for the last four years and I am not sure if I came out a better person or worse.
...like how I realized that maybe four years is not really a very long time even if right now it feels like forever.
...like how I think that sometimes I am just holding on to feelings long lost maybe because it is better than to just feel outright empty.
...and how I am in the mood for Murakami novels these days and that means that, most likely, something is wrong.But really I just feel like uselessly wasting good ink tonight and maybe I just can't understand my head at the moment but I know it's better to be an incomprehensible mess in paper than to let these things rot and disappear, be swallowed by darkness -- like how some things just disappear but you know deep in your bones that they didn't really go away.